Sometimes I’m hit by a weird realization. It’s the realization of the complexity of the thing I take most for granted in life; myself. I might not be an extraordinary person compared to many others. In the great scheme of things none of us really are because we exist for such a short period of time and we’ll all be dead and forgotten in a million years. Our mere existence, however short it may be, is rather extraordinary though. Just think of the complexity of each human being. The web of genetics and experiences making us who we are. Each and every one of us unique. Sometimes I’m hit by that realization. That all the things I take for granted, like my thougts and memories, feelings, opinions and skills, are all very complex things. It’s interesting looking at myself from such a clinical perspective. Despite my ordinary life and tiny impact on the world around me, I suddenly feel amazed by myself.
On a completely different note, my computer is broken, we have a new puppy and I’ve been busy with meetings and work so there hasn’t been either time nor possibility to be online much. The only social media I regularly update is my Instagram so follow me there.
I’ve decided to try to eat more vegan food. Meat I haven’t had in fifteen years so no challenge there, fish and eggs I’m giving up now, dairy I still have in small amounts. I estimate that about 95% of everything I eat is vegan. Maybe I’ll go 100% vegan some day, or I’ll just continue like I am now. Some meat eaters would of course call me a hypocrite for this but I’ve never claimed to be perfect. At least I do something. It’s good for the animals and it’s even good for me.
Some think that vegan food lacks the nutrition the body needs to function. The thing is though, most people who eat food from all food groups still doesn’t eat healthy. They eat too much meat, too little vegetables and generally just unhealthy food. I’ve avoided meat completely for a very long time but everything else I did eat. Did that make me healthy? No. Not at all. I ate very little vegetables and relied a lot on frozen pre-made food. Anything which made cooking the simplest process possible. Now I find myself making my own dressing and baking my own bread. I’m not loving cooking yet but I’m starting to appreciate it. I like eating food which I know there’s a minimum of weird synthetic junk in.
Now some may say that I should just try a healthy lifestyle without avoiding entire food groups. The thing is though, research shows that meat and dairy causes cancer. Is that healthy? I’d say not! Even if it was healthy, is it really ok to enslave and kill other living beings for our own selfish needs? It’s so easy to ignore the suffering of the animals. I should know, I’ve done it too. To some degree I still do considering I haven’t completely cut out dairy out of my diet yet. I’m aware of the fact that this makes me a bad person though and I’m working on it.
Going vegan can’t possibly be worse for my health than the way I used to eat. It’s just not possible. I am prepared to take vitamins though if I should need that. Some meat eaters makes a big deal out of the fact that vegans may need supplementary vitamins but what’s to make a big deal out of really? There are vitamins so why just not take them and spare the lives of animals?
Don’t call me a preachy vegan now because there’s a difference between writing about my opinions in my own blog and telling people what they should or should not eat at the dinner table. Those who know me IRL know that I never say bad things to others about what they eat, unless they say something bad about what I eat first, then they’re bringing it on themselves.
Some of my vegan food. The amount of fruit and vegetables I’ve eaten during the past ten days exceeds the amount of fruit and vegetables I normally eat during three months time.
I’ve noticed that I sneeze a lot when I sit in front of the computer. I Think it has to do with the moldy filter in the ventilation above the window. I’ve lived here for three years and didn’t notice the mold until just recently. I didn’t even know there was a filter in the ventilation until one day when I was cleaning the window blinds, standing on a chair directly in front of the ventilation. I peeked into it and was like WHOA, what the f is this?! The filter is black with mold. Which I’ve been breathing in for the past three years as the air flows through the ventilation. I asked for it to be changed but nothing has happened. I need to call the landlord again to make sure this is fixed. It can’t be healthy.
Here’s Sarah sitting in front of the window with a blue sky in the background.
How I’ve missed that colour and how I’ve missed the sun. I feel so much more energetic when it’s bright and sunny outside. Especially after weeks of overcast skies.
The weather may be horrible but at least the grey skies, fog and snow makes for interesting photos. Here are a few taken with my cell phone for Instragram during the past few weeks. Funny thing is I’m not using a black and white filter on any of these photos even though it looks like it on a few. The world is just that colourless at the moment.
Every year 9 million tourists visit Dubai. The city, located in the United Arab Emirates, is popular for it’s luxurious hotels and shopping. It’s a beautiful city but I wouldn’t go there even if I was paid to do so.
Behind the shiny façade there’s the Sharia laws. Although the United Arab Emirates laws are less restrictive to women than those of many other Muslim countries in some areas of law they’re still extremely behind the west world.
A rapist can only be sentenced if he confesses to the crime or if four adult Muslim men witnessed the crime and testify against him. If a woman is raped and the perpetrator don’t confess and there are no witnesses to the crime the rapist and the rape victim are considered to have been engaging in sex outside of marriage and both go to jail. How is that for a “modern” country?
A Norwegian woman who was sentenced to jail for premarital sex after having been raped was recently pardoned and got to go home. Why she was pardoned wasn’t because of the goodness of the hearts of the justice system but because of all the negative media surrounding the case. She was pardoned to make sure no further damage was done to the tourism industry by the world press.
Besides the criminalization of rape victims there are other gems of medieval laws in UAE. Like the fact that the country isn’t even a democracy. Good luck with your human rights in a country in which not even it’s own citizens have a say in how the country should be ruled.
If you’re considering going to Dubai, reconsider. If not for your personal safety at least out of solidarity for the 50% of the female population of UAE who say they wouldn’t report being raped to the police, because they know the justice system would criminalize them rather than give them justice.
I think my tinnitus has got worse. Or maybe I’ve just ended up in a bad thought spiral where I notice the tinnitus more than usual for some reason and because I noitice it more it seems louder. Either way, it’s annoying. I’ve had tinnitus for seventeen years but I got used to it a long time ago. Now it’s driving me crazy though so I need to forget that I have it again. That’s how I’ve managed in the past. I got used to the sound and stopped thinking about it. On most days I didn’t notice it at all.
God knows it wasn’t easy in the beginning though. I slept on the floor in the kitchen because the sound of the fridge blocked out the sound of the ringing in my ears. I was just thirteen and thought I could never learn to live with a constant high pitched “iiiiiiiihhhhhh” in my ears and mourned the fact that I’d never again hear silence. But I lived. And there was silence. Just like you in front of your computer may completely forget about the sound of the computer fan I completely forgot about the ringing in my ears for 99% of the time.
Comparing my tinnitus to a computer fan, I’ve never done that until today. I saw that comparison in a online article about tinnitus just today. The article said that the key behind learning to live with tinnitus is changing the way you feel about the sound. The main annoyance doesn’t lie with how the sound itself sounds but with how we feel about it. For example there’s a lot of background sounds we aren’t bothered with, like the sound a computer fan or the sound of a refridgerator. Those sounds doesn’t make us feel the same panic as tinnitus because we accept them as part of our natural sound environment. Tinnitus however, we feel intrude on our private space. It shouldn’t be there. It’s not a part of our natural sound environment. So it bothers us immensley. And because we’re bothered by it we notice it more which makes it even more bothersome and we’re trapped in a bad thought spiral.
The key is accepting the tinnitus as a part of our sound environment. Once we can control the emotional response the tinnitus gives us the tinnitus becomes more manageable. Yeah, basically it’s all about acceptance. I’ve always known that. What I found interesting about this article was the comparision of tinnitus and background sounds in our everyday life since I’ve never compared it to any real sound around me. I’ve always seen is as something completely separate, intrusive and unnatural. From now on I’m going to try to accept it as any background sound. The constant sound of cars driving by on the highway doesn’t bother me when I try to fall asleep so why should the sound of my tinnitus bother me now? And after all, I learned to live with it once so I can learn to live with it again.
Another comfort is that however annoying it is at least it’s not dangerous. It was established seventeen years ago that my tinnitus is a direct result of loss of hearing, which in it’s turn is a result of genetics, having a mother and a grandfather with bad hearing and tinnitus.
Do you have tinnitus? If so, does it bother you much?
Something I really hate about getting older is that I forget more and more of my childhood and lately even my youth. When I think back on my childhood there are a couple of memories which I always come back to. I rarely recall something new I haven’t thought about in a long time any more. Memory works that way. If you don’t occasionally recall a memory sooner or later it will be lost.
So many memories which has been lost to me. The thousands of days I went to school. How many of those days have I completely forgotten? All of the birthdays and Christmases. How many of those do I no longer remember a single thing from? I remember my childhood friends but most of the things we actually did together I’ve forgot. There’s a memory here and there. I remember how we used to play horses all the time but when I try to recall the actual play I only remember maybe three specific occasions. Hours and hours, of so many days during several years and all that remains are half-forgotten bits and pieces of three specific occasions.
It’s the same with all the hours spent at my favourite café with my best friends back in high school. I remember details from no more than six or seven separate occasions we hung out at that café. Six separate occasions out of how many? We went there every Friday for months and it wasn’t unusual for us to stay for at least three hours. And now it’s all lost to me, like so many other memories I once had.
All the pub nights and parties in Hultsfred. They’re all a blur. I remember many of them but far from all. It’s the same with all the people I met during this time. There are people I met on several occasions who I now can’t even recall the names of.
It bugs me. Forgetting what used to be my life. Like growing older isn’t bad enough. Do I have to forget my youth too?
Why my Christmas three pwned other Christmas trees this year (as usual).
1. Pink, black, silver and white is such a pretty colour combo.
2. The tree is white, like a snowy forest.
3. Black prisms, totally matching my black chandelier.
4. 5 meters of silver pearl garlands.
poppies, sugar and spice, all those (that) thing s are (is) very nice!
6. Warm led lights.
7. Pink Fabergé style eggs. A very low budget version of Fabergé eggs, but still!
8. Silver stars. I might not glue silver stars under my eyes any more but I’ll always be a Broder Daniel fan. (Non-Swede translation: BD was a band. Their lead singer glued silver stars under his eyes. So did their fans, like me).
9. Cupcake ornaments.
10. CUPCAKE ORNAMENTS! They deserve two entries because of how awesome they are!
Did you have a Christmas tree? If so, do you think your tree pwned mine? (I know it didn’t, just trying to be humble here).