Wednesday December 29 2010, 9:20 am
I’m trying to grasp the fact that I’m with my twenty-seven years and five months now am older than Kurt Cobain ever became and older than Richey Edwards was when he disappeared. These two have both had a great impact on my life and who I am, mainly Kurt Cobain since it was thanks to Nirvana I discovered alternative music. Them being this important to me makes the fact that I’m now older than they became feel very weird. How can I be older than they are? I who look up to them so much. How can I ever be anything more than they are, further than they are?
I used to think twenty-seven was the perfect age to die. Not that I wanted to die at that age myself but I thought that it sounded like a good age to go. Not too young and definitely not too old. Nowadays I think twenty-seven is way, way, waaaay too young a age to die. You see things differently when you’re there yourself and realize how little you have done with your life during your twenty-seven years on earth.
Saying that I’m twenty-seven years old sounds weird to me. It sound so old. I have come to see myself as an adult and I’m ok with being the age I am but it still sounds old. How did I get here? Next year I’ll be twenty-eight and from there it’s not far to thirty. Where did my twenties go? What did I do with them?
I’m thinking a lot about age, adulthood and life in general right now because I feel like I’m at a breaking point. I began university studies this year, soon I’ll be moving, I’m getting older, I have a new brighter outlook on life. I see my life in phases. Phase 1 childhood in Kalix, phase 2 high school in Västerås, phase 3 adulthood in Hultsfred and now I’ve kind of begun phase 4 with going back to school and soon when I move phase 3 will definitely be over.
And I’m thinking about life. What I’m doing with it. Where I’m going. How not to take it so much for granted. I don’t want to wonder what I did with my late twenties in five years time, like I wonder what I did with my early twenties.
Plugs: Wyther Wyskers, Ann, Aly, Angelica
Monday December 13 2010, 11:44 pm
Getting an apartment in Västerås like I blogged about the other day is not the only good news I’ve got lately. I also got into three uni courses for next semester. Next year I’ll be studying Web programming – continued course, Vector graphics and E-commerce. Combined the three courses adds up to 37,5 points. Full time studies is 30 points and 45 is the maximum you’re allowed to study each term. My first term I studied three courses which added up to 30 points and this term I’m studying four courses adding up to 37,5 points.
I feel like things are going my way lately. First I get into three uni courses I really want to study and then I get an apartment. On top of that lately I’ve just been in a generally good mood. I don’t know what’s different this year but I’m not feeling the winter darkness like I usually do. For as long as I can remember I’ve been feeling low during the winter because of the cold and darkness but not this year. I think it’s because I’m different this year. I’ve changed. Adapted a more positive outlook on life.
I’ve also grown up I think. At least I feel like an adult for the first time in my life. Kind of ironic considering I’ve actually been an adult for nine years, had my own income for eight years and lived on my own for four years… Still it wasn’t until I turned twenty-seven that I started feeling like an actual adult. There are several reasons behind seeing myself in this new light. First of all I’m technically no longer a youth. At first that didn’t make any difference because I still felt like one but now I’m noticing that I’m having a ever harder time identifying with the youth of today. I’ve become one of those grown ups who look upon trends among the high school kids with a raised eyebrow and go “Huh… that’s odd”. Furthermore I think that I finally actually look like an adult, especially with the growing number of “fine lines” (the nice word for wrinkles). Personally I think I look like I’m at least twenty-four but others guess twenty to twenty-three. That doesn’t affect the way I look upon myself though. Last but not least the mere fact that I’m getting ever closer to my thirtieth birthday has also made me look upon myself differently. When you’re thirty you’re undeniably grown up and not just that, you’re actually on your way to becoming middle-aged. Sure you’re not there yet but you have begun the journey, just like you’re not an adult when you’re sixteen but have begun the journey towards adulthood. In the end age is about how you see yourself. I don’t think I’m old but I don’t think I’m that young either nowadays. I’m undeniably an adult though and I finally feel like one too.
Plugs: Aly, Angie, Karin, Ria, Lilly, Anna T, Shaina
Monday May 11 2009, 8:29 pm
I’ve been living alone for two and a half years now and I still love it. Right now I feel like I could live alone for the rest of my life and be happy about it. Of course I’ve only lived with my family so I don’t know what it’s like to share a home with a boyfriend or a friend. That could perhaps be nice aswell.
I do however know what it’s like to live with your family when you’re an adult since I was twenty-three when I moved out of my parents house. It felt kind of annoying to be grown up and still live with my parents. I had my own life but not my own home. I had a room and that was it.
I love that everything in my home is things I like. No pink curtains, no ceramic bowls with flowers nothing beige, brown or yellow (except for the kitchen cupboards, god how I hate that colour). I decide what to eat and which time to eat, what towels to hang in the bathroom and which toothpaste to buy. I love being able to choose small things like that myself. The kitchen is full of food I like and nobody complains about my six pairs of converse in the hallway. If I want to throw a party I can and if I want to cook in the middle of the night I won’t wake anyone up.
I think getting your own home is a essential part of growing up. At least it was for me. But of course it’s not all sunshine and flowers. There’s also bills, cooking, laundry and grocery shopping. I can think of so many things I’d rather spend my money on instead of my electricity bill and food. In the end, it’s still all worth it. I love my little home.
Plugs: Katie, Mik, Britney, Dane, Michelle, maria, Saturnine, Sakura
Monday September 8 2008, 6:04 pm
I just thought about how happy I am that I’m 25 and not 15. The teenage years is a special time with lots of things going on but I’d never want to go through those years again.
Sure, I remember all the fun I had with my friends, my high school graduation, my first kiss and all that jazz. But I also remember what a weak person I was, how confused I was and how little I knew about myself. Growing up is hard and I don’t think any 15 year old truly knows who they really are.
Now 10 years later I’ve pretty much figured out who I am and what I want with my life. I’ve gained lots of mental strenght which makes me able to handle things much better now than back then. I’ve found myself, so to speak. And the knowledge, all the knowledge I’ve gained in these ten years! Everything I know and understand now that I didn’t understand back then.
I know that in ten years I’ll look back on this time in the exact same way. I’ll be amazed at how little I knew when I was 25. That’s what’s so great about growing older. All the experience and knowledge you gain from year to year.
I’m only 25 so I’m too young to not want to grow older. But when I do pass 30 I want to be like my mother. She says that age is nothing but a number which is totally unimportant. That you’re no older than you make yourself feel. She’s 46 and looking forward to turning 50. Most people dread that day and many induldge in a middle-life crisis at age 40. I even know people my age who feel old. Of course I don’t know what being 40 is like but my mother thinks it’s great. All I know is that being 25 is great aswell.
AND say Hello to my new affiliates Curtis and Marian!
Plugs: marian, K-Ho, Laura, aiiya, katie, sarah b, Skogul, Lisa Marie, Sunny, Belinda, Olivia Kitty, Marie Claire, Katty, Lauren, Marquis, Deanna, Pim, Jane, Rozeh, tiniwini, Fatima, Lotte, clare
Saturday May 24 2008, 9:28 pm
Sometimes I wish I was born in another decade. That I hadn’t been a kid but a young adult in the nineties. Generation X seems to have had more fun than us from generation Y. I’m sure the nineties wasn’t as fantastic as I remember it to be. As I said in a previous entry, it seems so wonderful now just because it’s over. And probably because the nineties is my childhood. I started first grade in 1990 and graduated from junior high in 1999. I count those years as my childhood. In 1999 I turned sixteen and from that age I feel that I was more of a young adult than a child. So those ten years from 1990-1999 holds all my childhood memories since I was very little in the eighties and don’t remember much of my earliest years. I don’t think this century is remarkable in any way. I look back at my high school time (1999-2002) and think about people I miss and things we did which I miss but I don’t miss the time in itself. I guess that’s because things haven’t changed enough yet for me to miss what was back then. The nineties on the other hand feels like a very different time. It was a very different time.
I smile when I think about how funny we dressed. The brightly coloured tights and bicycle pants, the scrunchies and poofy bangs, the flannel shirts, vests, polo sweaters and platform shoes. And all that sports wear! Back in 1996 everyone dressed like they were on their way to the gym. Adidas pants, Fruit of the loom t-shirts and Champion sweaters. Looking through old yearbooks from junior high almost everyone is wearing sports clothes on the photos. WHAT were we thinking?! I’d never leave my apartment dressed like that! Unless I was actually engaging in a actual sport activity (NOT likely!). And the hair. I remember that ALL girls had a bob parted in the middle. Exactly like my current hairstyle! I’m ten years late though because back then I had long hair.
The music was better in the nineties. Or rather the popular music was better than now. I never ever listen to the radio or watch MTV because I hate 90% of what’s on there. I hate RnB, hip hop and boring mainstream pop like Britney and Madonna. And I just can’t stand the whole emo trend. There’s a lot of good bands around but they’re not the ones given much attention in mainstream media. Back in the nineties the popular music was good. At least a lot of it. RnB and hip hop hadn’t taken over yet. God how I can’t stand that music! That trend has been going on waaaay too long now! Please go away.
TV was also better in the nineties. I barely ever watch tv nowadays. There’s a couple of shows which I enjoy but they’re not many. My computer on the other hand is full of tv-series from the nineties. I spent a large part of this winter watching all nine seasons of “The X-files”. Today I’ve been watching a couple of episodes of “My So-called life”. I came to think about that show yesterday when I realized my hair looks like Claire Danes did in that show and since I haven’t watched the show in a year or so I decided it was time to see it again. That’s actually what brought back all fond memories of the trends of the nineties.
I can’t say that I liked the fashion of that time better than the current fashion though. We dressed pretty horrible. The only cool fashion of the nineties was grunge. Love it! Some days I look like someone from a Seattle rock concert in 1992 dressed in my trashed jeans, converse and army jacket. I can be quite a slacker. It’s funny to think that looking like that actually was fashionable some fifteen years ago.
God I feel so old when I think about my childhood! So much has changed and kids of today probably think everything that I was used to when I was their age is very old fashioned. The world is changing so fast. Sometimes I just can’t get that I’m actually turning twenty-five in two months. Am I not supposed to be more… grown up? I don’t know. It’s just weird thinking about the fact that I’ll be thirty in five years. I mean, thirty! That’s definitely grown up! I used to think thirty was old but now I don’t know. I’m there in five years and I have a whole bunch of friends who are in their thirties. I even have friends who have kids. When did we become so grown up? I remember when we all lived with our parents. Just a couple of years ago I barely knew anyone who lived on their own but now I barely know anyone who don’t. I’m definitely not a kid anymore. Not even a teenager and pretty soon not even close to being a teenager. And In a couple of years I’m not even amongst the “young” people anymore. Not that I feel old and I probably won’t in ten years either. Growing up and getting older is exciting though. I’d never want to be a teenager again. The older you get the more seriously people take you and the older you get the more you learn. I can handle life and people so much better now than ten years ago and I know so much more about everything. The teenage years are spent trying to figure out who you are and what you want to do with your life. I’m done with that. I know who I am and I know what to do with my life. I’ve changed SO much in the past ten years. I was a completely different person ten years ago. When I think about who I was back in 1998 I can barely understand that was actually me. Of course I’m still the same person but I’ve evolved, so to speak.
Wow this turned into quite a lenghty blog post. When I started writing I thought I’d just write a quick and short post but it’s easy to get stuck, finding more and more things to write about.
I’m going to continue watching “My So-called life” now and I should probably go to bed soon. Tomorrow I’m going to my parents to celebrate mother’s day.
Plugs: Marie Claire, luisa, Holly
Welcome to Whirlwind, the online home of a 28 year old Swedish artist, web designer and blogger who goes by the name Angelica. The site consists of 544 MB words, photos and art. Please do take a look around.
