The thing is that I think that I might actually do something like that in real life since I love animals and I don’t eat meat. So I wasn’t overly sensitive in the dream. That’s just the way I am.

I always say that I don’t care about what others eat but that’s not true. Of course I care about whether others eat meat or not but I’m not gonna try to force my opinions on someone else because I hate when others do that to me. I still wish that more people would think like me though.

Some day I’m gonna write a book about a post-apocalyptic society. It might not be in a near future but some day. Being the book worm I am I think writing and publishing a book is one of the coolest things you can do. Way cooler than starring in a movie or releasing a music album. And as a writer you don’t really have to be a public person unless you want to. You’ll leave a mark on the world and if you’re really good you’ll be remembered long after your death, but you don’t have to live in the spotlight.

It’s a nice dream. A big dream. But I’ve always dreamed big. My own company, traveling the world in a hippie van, writing a book. At least I never lack challenges and I think that’s a very good thing.

I changed the colour of the site by the way. Do you notice the difference? I wanted something more vibrant. It’s not too bright is it?

I really don’t like the thought of being the new girl. The one who knows the place the least.  At my old job I had pretty much free hands and could change a lot of stuff without even asking my bosses. I won’t have that freedom in this store. Obviously everyone would hate me if I as the new girl came with all these opinions of how the store should be ran and organized. You simply don’t do that when you’re new. I think it’s probably one of my flaws, the fact that I want everything to be done my way. I don’t like others telling me how to do things but obviously that’s how the world works. I’ve just been very lucky having all that freedom at my old job. I don’t think it’s common. Espescially not when you’re young.

This is why I want to work alone. One day I will be a freelance web designer with my own company and be my own boss. That’s the plan and step one of the plan is going to college in january. It’s just two distance education classes of 7.5 högskolepoäng (high school points) each but it’s a good start. For the first time in my life I’ll do something I’ve actually chosen myself. I haven’t really chosen my jobs because even though i liked my last two jobs they were just something I did for a while, not something I’ve dreamed about doing.

I think many people start working after high school thinking they’ll only work for a while but then they get comfortable and never go back to school. I’m glad I’m finally taking the leap away from that because it’s too easy to postpone your grand plans.

But school is in january. For the next four months I’ll continue working as a sales clerk.

I’m still very pleased. It looks good. The only thing that bothers me is that my next layout have to top this. I’m thinking shadows, highlights and gradients of some kind. Too bad the only graphics oriented thing I know how to do is blends. And I don’t use blends in my layouts anymore. My current web design goal is to make a really ace web 2.0 layout. This layout is pretty web 2.0 but not ace enough.

My current goal in life is to study web design for real. I’m gonna start looking into distance educations and if I’m lucky I’ll be a student in six months. I’ll start out with basic web design. Obviously after ten years of building web pages I already know the basic stuff but at least I’ll have what I can do on paper. And after the basic stuff I can apply to more advanced classes and start to really learn and improve. I hope that I’ll one day will be able to work and support myself as a web designer. Except for my more crazy plans involving hippie vans and travelling web design is the only thing I can see myself working with for a longer period of time. The thrift store job has been fun and all but it’s not what I want to do with my life.

Oh and I decided not to accept affiliates anymore. I prefer finding cool sites to link myself rather than having people apply for it. Plus I really hate turning people down. No matter how you put it it’s so personal. It’s like saying “No thank you, I don’t like your site”. If you’ve been my affiliate there’s no need to worry though. Except for dead links and people who haven’t commented in months all of you are still linked, but now as “favourites” instead of “affiliates.

Obviously this has made me think a lot about my future and sometimes I feel like I’ve blown it. I could have got so much better grades in high school but I didn’t study hard enough and now I can’t get into any school. It’s not like I want to be a doctor but whatever I want to do there will be people with better grades than mine. It’s just such a shame because I’m so much smarter than what those grades tell you. I just didn’t care enough about school to do my best.

I’d probably still get into a lot of schools because my grades aren’t terrible. Just average. Unfortunately nothing but the best have ever been good enough for me. It’s probably not a good characteristic of mine but I’m very competative and I really, really hate people doing better than me.

I’m thinking about perhaps going back to school. Probably some kind of distance education but it’s too late to apply to the courses starting this fall. Perhaps next year I could try to get into some distance education course in web design. It’s been a hobby of mine for ten years now and of all the things I can imagine working with web design is what I’d prefer.

Of course what I really want to do is travel the world for a year or so. Unfortunately that’s impossible since what I could save up to in a year would be no more than perhaps a month of really low budget traveling. And that’s a huge perhaps seeing I’m terrible with money. Relisticly three days at the medieval week in Visby is what I get.

I don’t think money is the most important things in life but right now I really wish I was rich. Even though money per se wouldn’t make me happy at least it would give me the opportunty to pursue things that could make me happy.

My future is very unclear right now. I have no idea where I’m going. I feel like I’m jumping a springboard into the unknown.

Dagens ord (äntligen!): Gåslever!

I see myself walking in a rose garden with a castle in the background, dressed in a fancy gown. I see myself living in a cottage in the woods, making herb medicines. I see myself riding a carridge down the streets of 17th century London.

It wouldn’t be that great though. Not when I really think about it. I don’t fancy witch processes and the plague. And really, a world without showers, the internet and rock music? Where religion is looked upon as the only truth and women aren’t allowed to vote? No, thank you.

Besides, since I today make pretty much as little money as you can make in Sweden I’d probably be poor in any time. In Sweden today you can be poor and still live a very good life but it wasn’t like that 100 years ago (and still isn’t like that in most countries). It’s not like I’d live in a castle. Well perhaps if I were a maid or something.  Living in a cottage in the woods wouldn’t be as idyllic as I picture it either since I’d have to plow the fields and milk the cow. And that carridge ride down the streets of London wouldn’t be too swell since I most likely would be riding home  to the slum where I would live, after a hard day of work doing other peoples laundry.

Even if I were rich life wouldn’t be great since dying from the flu at the old age of 30 wouldn’t be an impossibility. Not to mention how I’d probably live in celibacy to avoid getting knocked up and die from child birth. Yikes.

I’ll keep on dreaming about better times but I do know that this time in fact is the best time.

I pretty much always remember parts of my dreams and they’re always crazy and surreal like this. I’m thinking about starting to write in my Book of Dreams again. That’s a book in which I used to write down all my dreams.