Today while Christmas shopping downtown I got the strongest flashback outside of one of the malls. I thought about a day more than ten years ago when I walked the same way with a friend who I was very close to back then. Since I moved back to Västerås I get these kind of flashbacks often. It’s not things I have forgotten and suddenly remembers, it’s that when I am in a particular place and come to think of memories I have of that place the memories I have of it becomes extremely strong. It’s as though I remember a feeling, how it felt to be the person I was back then, how I felt for the people I knew back then. I almost expect to look down on my clothes and find myself dressed in the skirt I always wore in high school. To look over my shoulder and find my old best friends standing there.
I didn’t miss things in that way when I lived in Hultsfred because it was a completely different place where my teenage years in Västerås felt very distans. Now I’m all of a sudden back at the crime scene, so to speak, and being here I remember all the good times so much more vividly. It’s one thing to think of what you did in high school when you’re sitting in a town 400 Kilometres away and another thing completely when you walk by your old school.
Perhaps I wouldn’t be as melancholic as I am about the past if I had never left Västerås. Now the end of everything that was my life back then came abruptly. I didn’t lose my friends one by one, I lost them all at the same time when I moved. Life as I knew it didn’t slowly change into something else, suddenly I just lived in a small town in Småland where I had never even set foot before.
Now I make it sound like my life is 2011 is shit and my teenage life was the shit. That’s not the case. My life in 2011 is good and I certainly don’t want to be a teenager again. Except for maybe that feeling of having my whole life ahead of me that I had back then, I do miss that. Still, what I do wish is that I could merge my old life with this life. Take the best from both. At least I have reconnected with a few people from before and that’s wonderful. A small piece of my old life in Västerås is part of my new life here too.
It doesn’t feel like ten years ago.
Still open for Christmas card exchange btw.