Wednesday November 30 2011, 8:34 pm
Today while Christmas shopping downtown I got the strongest flashback outside of one of the malls. I thought about a day more than ten years ago when I walked the same way with a friend who I was very close to back then. Since I moved back to Västerås I get these kind of flashbacks often. It’s not things I have forgotten and suddenly remembers, it’s that when I am in a particular place and come to think of memories I have of that place the memories I have of it becomes extremely strong. It’s as though I remember a feeling, how it felt to be the person I was back then, how I felt for the people I knew back then. I almost expect to look down on my clothes and find myself dressed in the skirt I always wore in high school. To look over my shoulder and find my old best friends standing there.
I didn’t miss things in that way when I lived in Hultsfred because it was a completely different place where my teenage years in Västerås felt very distans. Now I’m all of a sudden back at the crime scene, so to speak, and being here I remember all the good times so much more vividly. It’s one thing to think of what you did in high school when you’re sitting in a town 400 Kilometres away and another thing completely when you walk by your old school.
Perhaps I wouldn’t be as melancholic as I am about the past if I had never left Västerås. Now the end of everything that was my life back then came abruptly. I didn’t lose my friends one by one, I lost them all at the same time when I moved. Life as I knew it didn’t slowly change into something else, suddenly I just lived in a small town in Småland where I had never even set foot before.
Now I make it sound like my life is 2011 is shit and my teenage life was the shit. That’s not the case. My life in 2011 is good and I certainly don’t want to be a teenager again. Except for maybe that feeling of having my whole life ahead of me that I had back then, I do miss that. Still, what I do wish is that I could merge my old life with this life. Take the best from both. At least I have reconnected with a few people from before and that’s wonderful. A small piece of my old life in Västerås is part of my new life here too.
November 2001.
It doesn’t feel like ten years ago.
Still open for Christmas card exchange btw.
Plugs: Lixin, Deanna, Eriiza, kressa
Wednesday November 2 2011, 4:39 pm
Every day I’m reminded of how lucky I am to live in a big city. I’d prefer not living close to the highway but when I look out through the window and see the cars passing by I’m reminded of the fact that there is a highway there because I live in the fifth biggest city in Sweden. When I shop at the convenience store which is open until 9 PM every day I’m also reminded of how lucky I am to live here. In Hultsfred the grocery store closed at 4 PM on Sundays. There’s one thing in particular which makes me feel truly blessed to live here. The shopping! I love how I can spend hours going from store to store and yet be far, far, far from having gone to all of them. I love that everything I can possibly need I can find in the city I live in. Not at all like Hultsfred. There I had to rely on internet shopping and going to “nearby” (one hour by car isn’t that near imo) cities once in a while. Being able to go to different pubs and not just hang at the same place every time I want to party is also fantastic. Here you can actually do a pub crawl.
I love Västerås. I can go on and on about the advantages of city life. Moving back here is truly the best thing I’ve done in a very long time. I’m so much happier here than I was in Hultsfred. It’s not just the city in itself but also the new life I’m living, the people I’ve met, the things I’ve done and do.
Plugs: Christine, Lixin, Sammy, Mihoriel, Rachel-Rebecka, Anna T, themequeen
Wednesday October 5 2011, 11:54 pm
Hello darlings!
I remember a time when I blogged almost every day. Damn that was a long time ago. I will try to get back to blogging though. I miss it and I miss all my blog buddies.
So what have I been up to? I’ve enjoyed summer, turned twenty-eight (OMG I survived the forever 27 club! Now I’m old for real!), got myself a boyfriend and decided to take a break from school to re-think my life. Most of my family moved to Västerås, the city I live in, just the other weekend. Dad and I have lived in Västerås since February but now mum, one of my sisters and my brother (weekends only, the rest of the time he lives in the town where he goes to school) live here as well. Except for the confusion of not knowing what the hell to do with my life things are good.
Oh well, it’s late and I need to go to bed. Going shopping with mum and my sister tomorrow. So, laters!
Plugs: Stephanie, Rachel-Rebecka
Monday July 4 2011, 1:14 am
lol apparently I’m down to an average of 38 unique visitors a day. That’s what I get for not blogging and not keeping in touch with my regular visitors.
I’m on a study break at the moment. Not sure for how long. I need to figure out what exactly to study. Decide on a program which will give me an actual degree rather than taking a course here and there. So all courses I’ve taken but one have been related to web design but it’s time to decide on a actual web design program. Before I can do that I need a break though. For at least six months but more likely for at least a year.
Right now I’m not studying and not working which is leaving me dirt poor but at least free to do whatever I want this summer. Since I’ve recently returned to the big (107 000 inhabitants big) city of Västerås after a nearly 7 year long exile in the small (5000 inhabitants small) town of Hultsfred not having money isn’t a problem. Hey, I live in a city again! I’m quite all right with not being able to afford taking a trip somewhere this summer because I’m not in a desperate need to escape the place I live in any more! There’s quite a lot to do here which doesn’t cost anything. The city festival just ended, didn’t cost anything. This week the world’s largest classical car show with something like 50 000 visitors takes place here. Doesn’t cost anything either! It’s like a huge rock festival but with cruising instead of concerts. One big party for three days. There’s a second city festival taking place in August as well. These are the three big events I’m attending this summer. Besides those there are lots of other things to do as well. Just going to the pub on a Saturday night is an adventure since there are more than one pub to go to. What a luxury! Hultsfred had two pubs, of which one was rarely open. Västerås has lots of pubs and night clubs to choose from. So far I’ve been to six of them. Then there’s of course the beautiful parks, the walk along the small river, lake Mälaren and a whole city to re-explore. I’ve lived here for five months now but there’s still many place left to re-discover. So, no money, not that big a problem this year. Of course I hate being poor. Of course I want more money. But I manage better without it than I would have done in Hultsfred. There’s so much more to do and see here and I don’t long to be somewhere else every single day.
Wow, this actually turned into a real blog entry! And I who thought I’d just write a quick update telling you all I’m well and still busy. Well, I am well and still busy. Laters!
Plugs: Alex, Jenni, Rachel-Rebecka, Sam, Belinda, Afef
Tuesday April 19 2011, 9:11 pm
Hello! It’s been a while but I’m back now. I didn’t mean to take a break from my site. It just happened. Weeks became months and I didn’t have time nor energy for blogging. Like most of you probably know I recently moved from Hultsfred back to Västerås, the city I lived in between 1999 and 2004. Packing up my home and then unpacking it was a tedious process. Then I had to decorate my new apartment which included a lot of shopping and some furniture renovations.
The apartment itself has also been undergoing renovations. When I moved in the place looked kind of shitty. The kitchen was absolutely horrible with sloppily painted purple walls, a ugly beige floor, a tiny stove, a malfunctioning fridge and a dirty ceiling. The rest of the apartment was also very dirty since the last tenant didn’t clean it as well as he should have before he moved out. I know my rights as a tenant so I complained about the walls, the fridge and the cleaning to the landlord who had the fridge replaced, the kitchen walls and ceiling painted and the apartment cleaned. I also got a new stove. And I got all of this for free. With the new floor I paid for myself the kitchen is now almost fully renovated.
Kitchen before renovations.
Kitchen after renovations.
(more…)
Plugs: Manda, Joebs, kitty, Deanna, Afef, Katherine, Angie, Ria, Jess, Lilly, Sam, Karin, Lotte, Becca, Kivi, Jazmiin
Monday February 7 2011, 9:43 pm
Hello! I’m not dead! I’ve just been very busy. Last Friday I moved from the small town of Hultsfred to the city of Västerås. I used to live here before I moved to Hultsfred so this place isn’t unfamiliar. My new apartment is no where near as nice as my old one but in time I’ll fix it up. I already have it all figured out. I’ll paint the kitchen walls pink, put up pink tile decors and wall shelves and put in a white or pink floor. In the living room I’ll put in a wooden floor and keep all the furniture black and white. That way I can change the colour theme of the room at any time by changing decorations. First of all I’m buying the black or white Expedit shelf from IKEA and then I’m painting a chest and showcase I already have white and black. The bathroom is all white which is a bit boring in my opinion so I’ll put up pink tile decor there and paint the dresser that’s standing there pink as well. The hallway is ok as it is but I’m going to build a long bench with holes in which I’ll hide the kitty litter boxes inside. This will all take a lot of work and cost a bit so this will have to be a ongoing project for maybe a year or so. I can’t do all of these things myself either so I have to rely on my father helping me out with the floors since I’ve never put in a floor by myself. I think when I’m done with these things this place will be great. It really bothers me that it doesn’t look great right now though. It’s hard leaving an apartment you love for one which isn’t at all what you want. Still, I keep telling myself that a ugly apartment in Västerås is still better than a pretty one in Hultsfred because you know, I hated living in Hultsfred and I love living in a big city again.
Plugs: Angie, Karin
Wednesday December 29 2010, 9:20 am
I’m trying to grasp the fact that I’m with my twenty-seven years and five months now am older than Kurt Cobain ever became and older than Richey Edwards was when he disappeared. These two have both had a great impact on my life and who I am, mainly Kurt Cobain since it was thanks to Nirvana I discovered alternative music. Them being this important to me makes the fact that I’m now older than they became feel very weird. How can I be older than they are? I who look up to them so much. How can I ever be anything more than they are, further than they are?
I used to think twenty-seven was the perfect age to die. Not that I wanted to die at that age myself but I thought that it sounded like a good age to go. Not too young and definitely not too old. Nowadays I think twenty-seven is way, way, waaaay too young a age to die. You see things differently when you’re there yourself and realize how little you have done with your life during your twenty-seven years on earth.
Saying that I’m twenty-seven years old sounds weird to me. It sound so old. I have come to see myself as an adult and I’m ok with being the age I am but it still sounds old. How did I get here? Next year I’ll be twenty-eight and from there it’s not far to thirty. Where did my twenties go? What did I do with them?
I’m thinking a lot about age, adulthood and life in general right now because I feel like I’m at a breaking point. I began university studies this year, soon I’ll be moving, I’m getting older, I have a new brighter outlook on life. I see my life in phases. Phase 1 childhood in Kalix, phase 2 high school in Västerås, phase 3 adulthood in Hultsfred and now I’ve kind of begun phase 4 with going back to school and soon when I move phase 3 will definitely be over.
And I’m thinking about life. What I’m doing with it. Where I’m going. How not to take it so much for granted. I don’t want to wonder what I did with my late twenties in five years time, like I wonder what I did with my early twenties.
Plugs: Wyther Wyskers, Ann, Aly, Angelica
Monday December 13 2010, 11:44 pm
Getting an apartment in Västerås like I blogged about the other day is not the only good news I’ve got lately. I also got into three uni courses for next semester. Next year I’ll be studying Web programming – continued course, Vector graphics and E-commerce. Combined the three courses adds up to 37,5 points. Full time studies is 30 points and 45 is the maximum you’re allowed to study each term. My first term I studied three courses which added up to 30 points and this term I’m studying four courses adding up to 37,5 points.
I feel like things are going my way lately. First I get into three uni courses I really want to study and then I get an apartment. On top of that lately I’ve just been in a generally good mood. I don’t know what’s different this year but I’m not feeling the winter darkness like I usually do. For as long as I can remember I’ve been feeling low during the winter because of the cold and darkness but not this year. I think it’s because I’m different this year. I’ve changed. Adapted a more positive outlook on life.
I’ve also grown up I think. At least I feel like an adult for the first time in my life. Kind of ironic considering I’ve actually been an adult for nine years, had my own income for eight years and lived on my own for four years… Still it wasn’t until I turned twenty-seven that I started feeling like an actual adult. There are several reasons behind seeing myself in this new light. First of all I’m technically no longer a youth. At first that didn’t make any difference because I still felt like one but now I’m noticing that I’m having a ever harder time identifying with the youth of today. I’ve become one of those grown ups who look upon trends among the high school kids with a raised eyebrow and go “Huh… that’s odd”. Furthermore I think that I finally actually look like an adult, especially with the growing number of “fine lines” (the nice word for wrinkles). Personally I think I look like I’m at least twenty-four but others guess twenty to twenty-three. That doesn’t affect the way I look upon myself though. Last but not least the mere fact that I’m getting ever closer to my thirtieth birthday has also made me look upon myself differently. When you’re thirty you’re undeniably grown up and not just that, you’re actually on your way to becoming middle-aged. Sure you’re not there yet but you have begun the journey, just like you’re not an adult when you’re sixteen but have begun the journey towards adulthood. In the end age is about how you see yourself. I don’t think I’m old but I don’t think I’m that young either nowadays. I’m undeniably an adult though and I finally feel like one too.
Plugs: Aly, Angie, Karin, Ria, Lilly, Anna T, Shaina
Friday December 10 2010, 11:51 pm
I’m usually in a pretty good mood but today my mood isn’t just good. Today I’m beyond happy. I’m so excited. I want to sing and dance and scream “YEEEEEES!”. Why is that? Because I’ll be leaving this hell hole of a small town in less than three months time!
I’ve lived in Hultsfred for six years and never liked it here. But on February 1 I’ll be moving! Before me and my family moved to Hultsfred we lived in Sweden’s fifth biggest town; Västerås, which is located about an hour from Stockholm. I really want to live in Stockholm but it’s impossible to find an apartment there unless you’ve been in the queue for about three years so I’ve beeen looking for one in Västerås as well since I liked living there. And today I got one!
My family are also sick of Hultsfred so they’ll also move to Västerås. My dad will move on February 1 just like me because he’ll begin his new job that date. The rest of the family will stay behind until they’ve sold the house.
All of this is so fucking great because: 1. I’m getting out of Hultsfred. 2. My family will move to Västerås too so I’ll still live close to them. 3. I lived in Västerås for five years between 99-04 so I already know people there and it won’t be like when I moved here and didn’t know anybody.
I’m, happy, happy, happy!
Plugs: Zanna, Malin, Ria
Wednesday September 15 2010, 5:06 pm
When I think back on my life I think of it in different periods, very different and clearly separated from each other. I see my life so far as a four act show, each act set in different locations.
Act 1 takes place between 1983-1988. During these early days of my life I live in three different towns but I only vaguely remember the last one.
Act 2 takes place between 1988-1999 in a village in the northern Sweden. This time of my life is what I think back on as my childhood. Of course my childhood actually started as soon as I was born but I still see these years as my childhood years, mostly because I don’t have a lot of memories from before 1988. Perhaps a better description would be my school years – high school excluded – since I started kindergarten in 1989 and left junior high in 1999.
Act 3 takes place between 1999-2004 in Västerås which is a big city near Stockholm in the southern part of Sweden. This period of time is what I consider to be my teenage years. I was already sixteen in 1999 so some of my teenage years did take place earlier than this but it wasn’t until 1999 that I actually started living the life a teenager in many ways. During this time there were a lot of firsts and I did all those things teenagers do while they’re growing up. This is also where I went to and graduated from high school and became a legal adult in 2001.
Act 4 started in 2004 and is still going on, in the small town of Hultsfred, even further south. I see this as the time of my adult life. I might have been a legal adult in 2001 but I wasn’t living the life of a grown up until I got here. Here is where I moved out of my parents house to my own apartment, got my first job and then started my higher education. This is where I grew up for real, not just on paper.
What will act five bring? I have no idea. All I know is that it won’t start until I leave Hultsfred since I clearly build the different acts of my life around moving and where I live. That’s because moving over big distances like I have means that I’ve left everything I knew behind each time I’ve relocated. It’s been brand new beginnings and starting all over both when I moved to Västerås and then from there to Hultsfred.
Do you look upon your life in this way, in different acts?
Plugs: Deanna, Aly
Welcome to Whirlwind, the online home of a 28 year old Swedish artist, web designer and blogger who goes by the name Angelica. The site consists of 544 MB words, photos and art. Please do take a look around.
