I’ve been thinking a lot about my lack of career lately. And the fact that it would be great to work with something I actually want to work with. I like my life but career-wise, it’s truly lacking something. Pretty much everything, actually. When unhappy with something in my life I do everything in my power to change it, so that’s what I’m going to try to do now. Everything in my power.
What brought on these thoughts is my ongoing age crisis connected to the fact that I turn 30 this summer. It’s a milestone and reaching such a milestone has made me take a long hard look at my life, remembering the career dream. It’s not a new thought. Just something I’ve been pushing ahead of me, thinking “not now but later”. And now I’m turning 30 and I ask myself, when exactly is this “later”? Should I make later into now? I think I need to because I don’t think I can take another year of this.
I’m at work. At my other job, in a crafts store. We sell handmade stuff. Pillows, rugs, clothes, bags, pottery, jewellery, toys.
This summer I’ll be working with painting houses at a open air museum located a five minute walk from my home. It’s really great since the open air museum is such a beautiful place. It’s located only two kilometres from the city center but it feels like the countryside.
This house built in 1702 is the first one we’ll paint.
“Just because they serve you… doesn’t mean they like you” is the tagline of movie Clerks which I’m watching right now.
Anyone’s who’s worked retail knows how true that quote is.
This is partly why I want to work as a web designer. Minimum social contact. I’d love working as a web designer and just sit in front of my computer and not have to deal too much with people. Of course I want to be the web designer of my own company since I’d prefer to live without co-workers doing things the wrong way and bosses telling me to do things in a way I don’t like. When it comes to my work (whichever work) I’m kind of a control freak. I do things my way and really hate when people mess up and change things I’ve done in a way I think is good. I was in charge of the book section at my old job and it really bothered me when co-workers messed up the system I maintained. I knew exactly where to put things and then people put things in the wrong place. It bothered me more than it should since mostly no one but me noticed these errors. Yeah, I’m a perfectionist as well and it’s really not realistic to expect people to fully grasp my way of doing things all the time.
So yeah, working alone is my thing and hopefully in the future that’s exactly what I’ll do.
I got home from work a while ago. Usually I’m not home until 2 PM but today I got off earlier since everyone were going to this Christmas lunch, except for me. I don’t care for things like that since I don’t socialize with a lot of the people I work with.
Want to hear something funny? Of course you do. So this is what happened. I was organizing books at work, standing in a pretty secluded area of the store, when all of a sudden the lights went off. I was like WTF? Then I realized OMG the Christmas lunch! Everyone’s leaving and no one noticed I was standing here! I ran to the door – which was locked – and knocked frantically. I was lucky because everyone were standing outside deciding who were going in which car so one of the bosses let me out. They were like “where were you?”. I think they assumed I had already gone home since they knew I wasn’t going to the lunch and they couldn’t see me anywhere. Jeez, wouldn’t being locked in at work for the rest of the day have been fun!
I’m still looking for people to exchange Christmas cards with. Are you interested in getting a card from Sweden? If so E-mail me your address to quende[at]spray.se
I hate the fact that it’s only Tuesday today since I really haven’t felt like working lately, at all. I find no joy in what I do. None whatsoever. It’s crucial that I get into college next year because I don’t want to work in a thrift store anymore. I’m meant for greater things. That sounds cliché but it have to be true because if I’m not meant for greater things than being a sales clerk I might just as well go and die. Seriously, I can’t see myself living this kind of life year after year. This job, this town, this everything. It’s all bringing me down.
Besides whining I’m not doing much. Right now I’m listening to the angriest industrial music I can find because it gives me energy and god knows I need that. The weather is so grey here. I’ve barely seen the sun in weeks and it makes me so tired. Sunshine always gives me energy and makes me want to get up and do things. A total lack of that obviously has a great effect on me. So, I listen to fast and furious (no pun intended) music. It livens up the day. Recommend me some more of that will you please. Industrial, angry, fast.
I’ve been really bad at blogging lately. I just haven’t had anything to write about and instead of writing nonsense no one cares about I haven’t written anything at all.
I haven’t been up to anything lately. I just work at my new job, go home and watch TV and then sleep. My life have become even more of a routine and every day is exactly the same. Today I didn’t even know what day it was. First I thought Tuesday but that didn’t seem right so I decided that it must be Wednesday. Obviously it’s Thursday. I’m not used to this working every day thing. I haven’t had a place to go to five days a week since I was in high school and that’s quite a while ago.
I do different things at my job every day. Today I organized books in the store and then painted a glass that we’re now selling. Things are very different from my old job since I’m no longer in charge of anything. I’m not allowed to use the cash register, I’m not the one that decides prices, I don’t do any paper work and I barely put new stuff out since I’m not sure where to put it. I just do a little of this and a little of that and often work alone. I like working alone but not having any real responsibilities makes me feel less important than at my old job.
Other than working I don’t do anything. I’ve been feeling quite asocial lately and haven’t seen a friend or partied for a couple of weeks. Tomorrow is Friday and I’m not sure I want to do anything tomorrow either. Right now I’m fine spending all of my free time alone in my apartment.
In ten hours I start my new job. I’ll just work in another thrift store so I don’t think it will be very different from my old job. I can’t say I look forward to it.
I really don’t like the thought of being the new girl. The one who knows the place the least. At my old job I had pretty much free hands and could change a lot of stuff without even asking my bosses. I won’t have that freedom in this store. Obviously everyone would hate me if I as the new girl came with all these opinions of how the store should be ran and organized. You simply don’t do that when you’re new. I think it’s probably one of my flaws, the fact that I want everything to be done my way. I don’t like others telling me how to do things but obviously that’s how the world works. I’ve just been very lucky having all that freedom at my old job. I don’t think it’s common. Espescially not when you’re young.
This is why I want to work alone. One day I will be a freelance web designer with my own company and be my own boss. That’s the plan and step one of the plan is going to college in january. It’s just two distance education classes of 7.5 högskolepoäng (high school points) each but it’s a good start. For the first time in my life I’ll do something I’ve actually chosen myself. I haven’t really chosen my jobs because even though i liked my last two jobs they were just something I did for a while, not something I’ve dreamed about doing.
I think many people start working after high school thinking they’ll only work for a while but then they get comfortable and never go back to school. I’m glad I’m finally taking the leap away from that because it’s too easy to postpone your grand plans.
But school is in january. For the next four months I’ll continue working as a sales clerk.
Hello bitches. This is another blog of randomness.
What I’m up to: I’m in the middle of a Lord of the Rings marathon which I started saturday. So far I’ve watched movie 1 extended version, movie 2 extended version and movie 1 extra material. Since the extended versions are like three hours long and the extra material to each of them is at least four hours this has taken me a while and I’m not even halfway done!
Calamari: (a fancy word for squid!). Am I the only one who like this food? It barely have any taste but I love the consistence! Like rubber, most people say. Well in that case I like rubber.
Party: Friday I went to the fair fest (marknadsfesten) or whatever I should translate that to. Yeah, fair fest I guess. It’s this lame ass small town event that takes place the night before the fair. A bar, carouselles etc. Well since I live in a lame ass small town I also attend it’s lame ass fair fest. And as long as you’re drunk everything is fun you know. So yeah, I was drunk. My knees have scratches so I must have fallen some time during the night. I can’t remember it though. I also asked my sister to take my bag with extra clothes home with her. I really can’t remember why. I don’t even live with my family so it makes no sense. Oh well, neither do I when I’m drunk.
Work: I still have none and this week will be my eight week doing nothing. First my job had summer holiday, then I was sick and then I had my last day at work. So, here I am, doing nothing. It’s ok.
Life in general: In waiting I guess. Waiting for next year when I’ll start college. Waiting to find an apartment in Jönköping so I can move. Waiting for life to begin.
Today I went back to work after being sick for two and half week. And today was my last day of work since the thrift store no longer exist. I might have a new job soon, if everything goes well. I’ll let you know when it’s set.
And hopefully I’ll start two distance education college classes in january. I want to study one class called “Designing for the web” which is about the coding aspect of web design and one called “Multimedia for the web” about creating graphics (mostly flash animations) for the web. I’m so thrilled about this. I mean, college. Wow. Of course I’ll do all the studying from home but still, it’s college. I’m finally getting a proper education. And after I’m done with those two classes I’ll probably take some more advanced ones.
Life’s good. I have a plan. Now I just need to get out of this town.